6.3.12

Previous thoughts

I just rediscovered this piece of writing from around May/June 2009. Perhaps it is finally time to share this with you. I take comfort from the fact that despite the dark nature of the thoughts, I landed on a sense of light. Every time I read it, it feels like a huge sigh of relief.


IT KEEPS MOVING. I CAN'T STOP IT. IT TRAVELS
AT A CONSTANT, REGARDLESS.
EVERY FLEETING MOMENT
PASSING ME BY WITH NOTHING TO SHOW.
EVERY SECOND. EACH AND EVERY FUCKING SECOND
FADING OUT WHILE I LOOK AWAY.
I SPEND MY TIME SPENDING TIME.
I'M AWARE OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS TURNING
INTO THE PAST AS IT IS HAPPENING. TODAY
IS GONE AND I ACHIEVED NOTHING. I LOST.
IS IT ALL ABOUT LOSING? IS IT A LOSING PROCESS?
MAKE THE BEST OF WHAT YOU CAN WHILE IT
SLIDES AWAY? IS THAT IT? OR IS THERE
SOMETHING TO GAIN? THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING TO GAIN.* **

*OTHERWISE, STOP
THINKING ABOUT IT AND JUST ENJOY THE RIDE.

(I HATE THAT PHRASE)

** OTHERWISE YOU START ON FULL
AND FINISH ON EMPTY. YOU ARE BORN
WITH POTENTIAL + EVERYDAY ANOTHER
PIECE OF IT DIES.
I NEED TO ACHIEVE SOMETHING OR APPRECIATE
SOMETHING OR ENJOY SOMETHING.
ENJOYMENT IS JUST WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU
AREN'T ACHIEVING ANYTHING. THERE IS
NOTHING TO ACHIEVE.


THERE IS NOTHING TO ACHIEVE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS
THERE TO BE ACHIEVED.
IF THERE IS NOTHING TO ACHIEVE, NOONE EVER
HAD POTENTIAL. THEREFORE NOONE LOSES.
WE NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO START WITH.
ANYTHING WE PICK UP ON THE WAY IS A BONUS.




























1 comment:

  1. I like this. I often lapse into days similar to what you described still.

    ReplyDelete